I grew up in a home where we didn't talk about Jesus, never read the bible, and the only times I remember going to church was when I went to Iwannas with my cousin. It was just my momma and me. Now don't get me wrong, she was an amazing mother, but at times she was stretched thin, between work, raising me, and taking care of our home, there wasn't much room for anything else. When I entered middle school, I went down a nasty path in life. I began drinking, and partying. When I was 16 I was taken advantage of, and lost my virginity to a man who I never wanted to see again. I fell into a depression. I began taking pain killers to try and numb the heartache. One dark, lonely night, I tried taking a few more painkillers than normal, hoping I wouldn't wake up. Or that I would and this would have all been a nightmare. My mom took me out of the school I was in, and moved us to another town in hopes of a fresh start.
The move had the opposite effect. The partying got worse, the drinking and drugs became more frequent. I didn't enjoy any of it, but I was just going through the motions trying to fit in. My soul felt empty, and I tried to fill it with all the things I was doing. One my nightmare seemed to get worse. At only 17, I saw two pink lines that would forever change my life. I didn't know at the time, that it would be a blessing, and I was scared. I got into a new relationship when I was only a few months pregnant, little did I know this was where I hit rock bottom. It started with arguments, then yelling, then the violence started. Two months postpartum, he tackled me to the ground, and ruined my shoulder.(Resulting in 7 screws in my collarbone and a plate in my shoulder) He said “Nobody could ever love you.”
Those words rung in my ears. The followed me around everywhere I went. I began to believe it. Nobody could love me! I was a mess up, I had ruined my life, what was the point. Then one night, the sad excuse for a man sexually molested my infant son. I was not able to help my baby because of the recent surgery I had undergone. The next day he left for the weekend. I was out at dinner with some friends of mine when I met him. A man who radiated love, and happiness. A Godly man, who was nicer to me that I could ever imagine, I knew at that very moment, I would marry that man. He began taking me to church and teaching me about God. At first, I didn't really get it. But one evening at a family gathering of his, before we ate, his uncle got up and preached. I remember when the words left his mouth “Jesus loves each us, despite our sins!”
At that moment, emotions overflowed. I went back to that very moment where I was told “Nobody could ever love me” And I now knew those words were not true! I knew that this man who I was sitting beside was sent to me by God at that very moment. An actual weight was lifted off my shoulder, the room felt brighter, and I could breathe easier. I ran outside tears pouring down my face, and I prayed. From that point on, I desired God. I needed to share his love with everyone I met! Receiving HIS forgiveness has changed my life in so many ways. I have learned how to love myself as well as others. I no longer hold on to negative feelings, I have learned to pray and leave them in Gods hands which in turn make my life so much more enjoyable.